A bride’s list of ridiculous demands posted to her wedding party Facebook group has quickly gone viral.
The anonymous bride began her post, which was uploaded to Reddit, by encouraging guests to start saving their pennies for her 2019 wedding in Hawaii. She went on to provide a strict dress code (by weight class).
The code “is very specific because it will be used to create an incredible visual effect,” she wrote. “If done right, it will make our synchronized dancing along the beach really pop.”
Women who weigh 100 to 160 pounds are required to wear a green velvet sweater and orange suede pants (so perfect for Hawaiian temperatures!). They must also wear a pair of Louboutin heels — because “when we spin and lift our feet, the effect will amaze you” — and a Burberry scarf.
Women over 160 pounds must be entirely in black — black sweater and pants, with black heels.
The ensemble for men who weigh in at under 200 pounds: a purple fuzzy jacket, soda hat and white trainers accessorized with glow sticks. Those over 200 pounds should sport a head-to-toe camouflage look, with black sneakers.
All children at the event will have on red, as “the kids will form the shape of a heart, it needs to be the true red not blood orange or some bulls***.”
Once the dance number is over, guests are asked to change into an outfit valued at “at least $1,000.”
“Remember, the venue is extremely upscale and we want to be looking our BEST ladies and gents. … If you look like trash, so will we,” the bride wrote. “This wedding is 24K themed for a reason.”
The post received thousands of upvotes on Reddit in 24 hours and was quickly shared to Facebook, where it reportedly caught the eye of the bride. She decided to take matters into her own hands and host a “Polygraph Party” to identify the snitch.
“You think I’m kidding? I’m not. We just bought a real polygraph test for $99 on Amazon,” she continued. “After the testing is over and we find the rat who did this, we will all celebrate with drinks and appetizers.”
After threatening to cut the culprit out of her life, she offered a solution to family and friends unhappy with the dress code.
“You can come talk to me,” she said. “Instead of participating in the dance, you can help the crew clean up after dinner, volunteer to take videos of our dance, or even contribute to the honeymoon. Anything counts.”
Although unhappy with the people online who have weighed in on her outlandish demands, the bride insisted there’s meaning behind her requests:
“My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over ten years of experience. … The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The black and camouflage outfits represents the aura of the devil that we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life saving liquid.”
The bride wrote that her beliefs are as valid as customs practiced at an “Indian person’s wedding.”
“We met at a psychic’s desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy,” she added. “Why not bring our traditions and beliefs into our wedding?”
The posts have received thousands of responses online, with Reddit users weighing in on the entire wedding-Sherlock Holmes debacle.
“Is the ‘incredible visual effect’ the bride is trying to create a seizure?” one person asked.
“Maybe it’s like one of those 3D pictures you have to squint your eyes from a certain distance and a secret image appears in the chaos,” another wrote.
One user provided a visual aid on guests’ clothing, writing, “I had a hard time picturing this shit in my head, so I made a very low-effort paint mock-up.”
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