As walkoff arguments go, it’s tough to beat a salty obituary, the very definition of Getting In The Last Word. And while we don’t want anyone to pass from this life before their time, we heartily approve of anyone choosing to settle scores on their way out the door.
Today, we bring you the tale of Rob Drew, a “stylish,” “practical” man from Wichita Falls, Texas, who could play a piano and detail a car, all the while indulging in his passion for Taco Bell tacos. He passed away on Jan. 25, and he sounds like he was a delightful man, not the least because his obituary’s opening lines showed his loyalty to his beloved Dallas Cowboys:
“Robert Clyde Drew, beloved husband, father, and Papa, drew his last breath January 25, 2018, mainly, we suspect, to prevent himself from having to watch the Patriots and Eagles in the Superbowl [sic]. A loyal Cowboys fan, he died peacefully with his daughter by his side, knowing full well that Dez, did, in fact, catch the ball.”
This follows a recent trend of longtime NFL fans using their last missive to the universe to either salute or torch their favorite teams. Late last year, a Browns fan’s obituary said that the late fan’s illness was “exacerbated by the hopeless condition of the Browns.” And in what could be a case of regrettably bad timing—or exceptionally brilliant timing—a longtime Eagles fan asked the Philadelphia football team to serve as his pallbearers “so the Eagles can let him down one last time.”
Dying is terrible, but if you’ve got to go … go with a smile.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports and the author of EARNHARDT NATION, on sale now at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.