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Donald Trump’s $99 ‘Digital Trading Card’ Is The Saddest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

A muscular Trump poses in a skintight superhero outfit.
A muscular Trump poses in a skintight superhero outfit.

If you or a far-right-pilled relative wants to be a mark in Donald Trump’s latest grift, you’re in luck. For the low low price of $99 and your irreplaceable dignity, you can now own an official Donald Trump NFT.

A new line of, expensive non-fungible tokens is apparently the “major announcement” Trump first teased yesterday, in a Truth Social post declaring that “AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO!” The accompanying teaser video showed a brief glimpse of a muscled, Trump-like figure adorned like Superman, complete with animated lasers beaming from its eyes. And now we know: That “major announcement” is just a new line of NFTs.

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I went to Trump’s account on Truth Social so that you don’t have to. The former president wrote:

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! My official Donald Trump Digital Trading Card collection is here! These limited edition cards feature amazing ART of my Life & Career! Collect all of your favorite Trump Digital Trading Cards, very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting. Go to & GET YOUR CARDS NOW! Only $99 each! Would make a great Christmas gift. Don’t Wait. They will be gone, I believe, very quickly!

Aside from Trump shooting flaming lasers out of both of his eyes, other NFTs in the range feature him photoshopped awkwardly in gaudy outfits. But wait, there’s more! If you buy one of these “digital collectibles,” you could win the opportunity to meet him over dinner, play a round of golf, or speak to the ex-president over a Zoom call.

I don’t know what’s more depressing: the sheer insecurity that oozes from these NFT trading cards, or the plausibility that his cult of Republican goons might actually purchase these in droves. There’s also a chance that he’s selling this junk to fund his next presidential campaign (he formally announced his intention to run last month).

The crypto industry is rife with scammers who successfully run off with millions of dollars, so I’m actually surprised that it’s taken him this long to start peddling a “digital collectible.” I’m guessing that he didn’t have much free time while he was busy fending off four major criminal investigations. Last December, the courts ruled against the Trump Organization for tax fraud. In August, the FBI raided his club at Mar-a-Lago and discovered that he had taken documents related to nuclear weapons.The New York Attorney General recently sued the Trump family for financial fraud. Last month, Trump was subpoenaed to testify in front of the committee investigating the January 6 insurrection.

If he manages to sell 40 of these “trading cards,” then he’d be able to pay off the $4,000 he owes for being found in contempt of court on Tuesday. I wish him all the best.

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