Headphones, which one would use to listen to music, perhaps, hanging in front of the Spotify logo. (Photograph: Reuters)
On Wednesday, Spotify threw a press conference to announce several new features and updates to the service. Below you will find an Explanationer™, containing everything you need to know, might want to know, or didn’t even think about having to know about Spotify’s big day.
Who Are We Talking About?
What Do They Do Again?
An all-you-can-listen streaming music service with tens of millions of tracks. Free to listen with ads, or $10/month to take the ads away.
Why’s It Called Spotify? What Does That Have to Do With Spots?
I don’t know. Next question.
“Spotify’s Next Evolution”
West West Manhattan. 37th Street and 18th Avenue. Basically New Jersey, NY.
Event Design Theme
“Tron: Legacy” (2010)
A spheroid bagel ball filled with chocolate cream cheese.
Number of Spheroid Bagel Balls Filled with Chocolate Cream Cheese Eaten by the Author
Standard Music Executive Outfit
Black blazer, open button-down, black jeans, leather shoes.
“Often” by The Weeknd
Felicitous Advertising Placement of the Day
When I opened SoundHound to identify the song, the app asked me if I wanted to save the track to…my Spotify account.
Things That One Might Do While Listening to Spotify, According to a Rousing Introductory Video
Skateboarding, running, playing video games, dancing, visiting the aquarium, camping, boxing, sweeping up a barber shop
Okay, Okay. So What Did Spotify Announce?
Many things. They have a redesigned app coming out; you can now listen to podcasts within the service; you can now watch video clips from several media partners within the service; and you will soon be able to find playlists based on your mood or what you’re doing throughout the day.
What Was the Coolest Thing That Spotify Announced?
A feature for runners. Open up Spotify, select “Running” from the menu, and then start running. The app will calculate your pace, using your smartphone’s sensors, and then choose music that matches your pace to a certain BPM.
Funniest Line of the Event
“Obviously, I haven’t been using the running stuff.” - the somewhat portly Daniel Ek, taking the stage after one of his lieutenants introduced Spotify’s Running feature.
D’Angelo performs at Spotify’s event, which took place within the set of the most recent Tron film. (Getty Images)
Woman on Stage?
Yes! The second speaker at the event was Rochelle King, Spotify Vice President of Global User Experience. Ahem, Apple.
Giant Specter Looming Over the Room Like a Nightmare Ghost
Apple’s forthcoming music streaming service, due out in June. Rumors have it doing the exact same thing as Spotify, and, given the correct marketing, it could reach far more Americans than Spotify does.
Smaller Specter Looming Over the Room
Songza. Google bought the mood-based playlist service about a year ago; now Spotify has its own version. Spotify will soon serve up suggested playlists based on your current mood or activity (just like Songza used to do!).
“Songs to Wake Up To” and “Songs to Sing in the Shower”
Sample “Song to Wake Up To”
“All About That Bass” by Meaghan Trainor
Thing That I Would Do If Spotify Played “All About That Bass” When I woke Up in the Morning
Go back to sleep.
Video Partners Mentioned
Vice News, Comedy Central, Nerdist. You’ll be able to watch short snippets from dozens of outlets within Spotify soon.
Isn’t That What YouTube, Hulu, Vimeo, Yahoo Screen, Vessel, and Countless Other Startups Do?
Yeah. Now it’s what Spotify does, too.
The stars of Comedy Central’s “Broad City”; Tiesto; D’Angelo and Questlove
When Can I Try All This Stuff?
If you live in the U.S., U.K., Germany, or Sweden, the new Spotify should be arriving today. Lucky you!
For all the hottest tech news and gadget reviews, follow Yahoo Tech on Facebook here!