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Gary Johnson is sick and tired of Trump's attacks on Mowmen

Heather Dockray
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For decades, everyone has failed to recognize the rights and autonomy of Mowmen.

Presidential candidate Gary Johnson has had enough. In an email addressed to his supporters on Wednesday, Johnson went after Donald Trump for allegedly serially assaulting poor Mowmen — although he may have meant "women."

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"Statement," the email read,"Gov. Gary Johnson re allegations of inappropriate behavior by Donald Trump towards Mowmen."

Though there are no documented attacks of Mowmen by Trump, it wouldn't be entirely out of character. Teenage Mowmen have struggled with declining wages for years. For many, the allowance social safety net has collapsed, leaving many teenagers to look for "real jobs" and paid internships. 

Of course, it's theoretically possible that the Johnson campaign was now referencing the growing number of allegations claiming that Trump had assaulted women, not Mowmen, and that the entire thing was a typo.

But this election is depressing, and it's far too entertaining to think that Johnson actually meant Mowmen. So let's go with that.

When will the Mowmen of the America finally get the justice they deserve?

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