I’ve been sick my whole life. I’ve never been able to keep up with my friends because of fatigue, and my pain interfered with all of my past hobbies. You might think I’m used to it by now, but I’m not. No, it still sucks. A lot. It sucks because I can’t work like a healthy person. It sucks because I spend days in bed after having a little bit of fun. It sucks because I fall behind in my studies because my pain makes me end up in the hospital or bedridden for weeks. I honestly don’t know how else to say it except that it sucks.
It sucks watching your body fail you day after day and knowing there is nothing you can do about it.
It sucks knowing you may think this is your worst day ever, but secretly know in the back of your mind there will be a day when it’s going to feel and be worse.
And I shouldn’t cry about it, right? I mean, I should know that chronic illnesses are life long and are always going to cause my health to fail. But sometimes all you can do is cry. Cry because it’s not fair. I am 21 years old. I should be able to work an eight-hour shift at work and not spend the next three days stuck in bed. I should be able to go out with my friends and not end up in the hospital from a dislocation or pain or fainting. I should be able to get my college degree and work the job I long to do. But I can’t. And it sucks.
I’m so tired of this illness. I’m tired of putting my life on hold. I’m tired of trying different treatments that are supposed to work but actually make things worse. I am so tired. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I just want a cure. I just want some relief. I’m not even asking for a “pain free” life. No, I just want to be able to function like a healthy human being.
So today I am going to cry about my illness. I’m going to curl up in my bed with a box of tissues and just sob because it’s not fair. It’s not fair watching my friends live out their dreams while I am stuck in this living hell. So let me cry. Let me mourn. I know this will pass, but today I just need to admit this illness sucks.
Can you relate? Let Kalee know in the comments below.