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The Onion has a hilarious article today, satirizing recent increases in consumer spending and generally positive economic vibes as reasons to believe the banking sector is getting ready to screw Americans over, once again.
“The other day I actually overheard someone on the sidewalk utter the words ‘I’m saving up for retirement,’ and right away I thought to myself, ‘Well, time to get down to work,’” said Morgan Stanley chairman James P. Gorman, adding that the increasing number of individuals entertaining ideas of starting their own businesses or buying houses was the financial sector’s cue to set off another devastating global recession. “We’re definitely thinking on a huge scale again, because we all really enjoy toying with the livelihoods of millions of people overseas and forcing them to wonder why reckless, split-second decisions made thousands of miles away dictate their whole country’s socioeconomic future.”
“Plus, it’ll be nice to finally wipe out the Euro once and for all this time,” Gorman added.'
Housing prices soaring! Stock market at record high! What could go wrong?
Moreover, the chief financial officers from Bank of America, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, and Wells Fargo unanimously told reporters that it has been “way too long” since they last saw the utterly dejected faces of American families whose homes had just been foreclosed on due to circumstances totally beyond their control.
The Onion doesn't mince words.
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