What to Do If Your Rihanna Birthday Outfit Doesn't Spark Joy
Tomorrow, Rihanna turns 31, which means that as of this writing she has been serving iconic lewks for 30 years and 364 days (give or take a leap day). Even though it's her birthday the world will be celebrating, the multi-hyphenate mogul is already bestowing fans with gifts in the form of a meme some are calling the Rihanna Zodiac.
Google Rihanna and your birthday to see which outfit you get pic.twitter.com/wd691IEdFr
- Guccisima (@ChipdNudePolish) February 17, 2019
Started by @ChipdNudePolish, the idea is simple: Google Image Search Rihanna + the day you were born and receive the blessing of her outfit for that day. Some choose to read their birthday ensemble as a reflection of an inner truth, like the results of a Buzzfeed quiz. Others choose to see RiRi's lewk for their day as an aspirational goal.
I don't believe in astrology but I do believe in Rihanna birthday fits pic.twitter.com/Fvh5JmouJX
- Alison Herman (@aherman2006) February 18, 2019
Because our Queen is gracious and also frequently photographed, everyone has a B-Day Rihanna. But what happens if you don't-it's a sacrilege to even say it-like your day's fashion statement?
It happened to me and I'm bravely telling my story for the first time.
So, my birthday is April 7 (in the words of Diana Ross, "Happy birthday to me!" starting now and lasting til I say stop). When you Google search that date a few outfits come up, but the one that comes up with the most frequency is a comfy, slouchy long flight 'fit from 2017. Other images also populate the search, but none as frequently as Rihanna in an oversize silver coat, black sweatpants, black sliders, and white boxy sunglasses. So, I must respect the will of the internet. But I don't have to be happy with it.
To be fair, Rihanna at her most loungewear luxury, DGAF, "I slept on the plane and probably drooled a little and what about it?" is definitely the energy I'm putting out into the world on a regular basis. But that's not the Rihanna I want to be, the Rihanna I know is inside of me.
So, what am I to do? What are any of us who don't like our Rihanna Outfit to do?
Well, the first thing to do when you get a difficult to accept reading from the Rihanna Tarot is to realize that this is your fault. Why were you born on the day you were born? Why weren't you early? If you were born early, why weren't you late? What's the rush? Rihanna can't be blamed for your poor choice of birthday. Please apologize.
The second thing you must do is try to discern what Rihanna is trying to tell you. The Good Girl Gone Bad does not dress herself thoughtlessly or without the most refined fashion sense. So, if you don't like her ensemble, maybe you don't understand it. Try opening your mind. Enroll in some classes. Buy a book. Get yourself together.
The third thing you must do is learn to love yourself, despite your Rihanna Birthday Outfit. There is still value somewhere inside you.
We all want to be High Fashion Canadian Tuxedo Rihanna
Or Sparkly Bustier and Flask Rihanna
Or Gwara Gwara Grammys Rihanna
But unless you can invent time travel and change your birth to October 12, February 12, or January 28, it's not going to happen. It's like Julia Roberts tells Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding, "You could never be Jell-o. You're never gonna be Jell-0." Except replace the word Jell-o with Rihanna's Gigantic Yellow Coat from the 2015 Met Ball.
We live in a society built on hierarchies and subject to the capricious winds of fate. Some of us are lucky enough to walk this world with our heads held high knowing that our May 4 birthday makes us blessed and highly favored, likely to earn more, do better on tests, and live longer. And some of us aren't. We must make the most of the clothing we've been given. For we are all, each of us, granted an outfit and we must't squander it. Rihanna('s stylist) wants better for us.
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