Allow me to paint you a picture: It's December. You've been seeing someone for a bit, and things seem to have just taken a turn for the more serious. They invited you to their office holiday party, took you on a romantic AF ice-skating date, and even unexpectedly got you a cute lil holiday gift with a hefty price tag on it. To you, that has to mean you guys are headed toward Relationshipville, right? RIGHT?
Well, not exactly. Sure, it's possible you all might be in lurve by early 2020, but there's also a pretty solid chance that you're just being "snow-globed."
Coined right here, right now, by Cosmo, snow-globing means the person you've been dating is using the holiday season to con you into thinking you two are more serious than you are.
This person spends the entire month of December with you, making you feel like you're inside your own little wintery fairytale, only to unceremoniously dump your ass in January. Yeah, that precious world of lovey feels you've been living in = SHATTERED.
Allow us to totally break down this dismal dating trend for ya so you can spot it when you see it happening to you, your BFF, or even in your own behavior with a situationship.
What does snow-globing look like?
- "Things were going really great for me and my guy around the holidays. We had met each other's families and on NYE; he even dropped the L Bomb. But then, the day after New Years, he literally dumped me. It was completely heart-wrenching and hard to get over at that time." —Carrie, 33
- "This time last December, a long-distance hookup buddy invited me to fly out to meet him in Chicago for a romantic weekend filled with five-star meals and strolls through cute Christmas markets. Granted, we had been casual, but I thought this was his way of taking things to the next level. When I flew back, we continued to text non-stop even after the trip, but when I finally asked him what we were doing in January, he told me straight up he wasn't looking for anything serious. Like, RUFKM?! Why fly me out to see you?!" —Zoe*, 26
- "Yeah, I actually remember a time when I did this to the guy I was seeing. I even jokingly told him he had to get me two gifts: One for my birthday and one for Christmas. He ended up giving me a set of six Glencairn glasses and a pair of new headphones the night before I was going out of town. So while the dude probably assumed the gifts I wanted was a sign I wanted something more, I ended up calling things off that night. Whoops." —Quinn*, 31
- "I think I'm a bit of a serial snow-glober. I'm usually extremely busy with work, but I tend to have more free time around the holidays. Because of that, I wind up meeting someone around then, falling in love easily, and then, unfortunately, as soon as the new year sets in, I choose work over the woman I fell in love with underneath the Christmas lights." —Paulius, 27
Why do people snow-globe?
Couples therapist Gary Brown, PsyD, says people typically snow-globe for a couple of reasons. "One may be that they simply don't want to be alone, or they don't want to be seen as being single during the holidays," he says. Another common one? "Feeling embarrassed about not being in a relationship can be so painful, that people will make romantic gestures as a sort of 'short fix' so that they don't have to feel the pain of loneliness," says Brown.
How is it different than cuffing someone?
Not to get confused with cuffing season, snow-globing typically begins and ends with the holiday season. Meaning: When the twinkle lights are taken down, it's not magical to kiss each other under a mistletoe anymore, and fun holiday pop-ups are long over, get ready for this "thing" to fizzle.
In contrast, cuffing season starts in November and lasts through the winter season. It's also all about le sex and is spent, well, mainly Netflix and chillin'.
How can you tell if you're being snow-globed?
There are two things you should pay close attention to, warns Brown. First, take note of how genuinely enthusiastic this person seems about doing all of these holiday things with you. "If you sense that they are just going through the motions, you are certainly under no obligation to hang with them,” he says.
Another good indicator of how they're actually feeling is whether or not their friends and family know who you are. "If you notice beforehand that they are talking about you with their friends, family, and coworkers, then that may be a sign that they're truly interested," Brown says. In other words, if their inner circle has no idea you exist, they're probs not actually that into you.
Look, I know this sounds like a terrifying downer, so let me be clear: A whirlwind holiday romance doesn't always mean you're going to be snow-globed. If you're getting all of the right signs Brown outlined above, it could potentially be the start of something reall great. So don't jump to conclusions about being snow-globed. Just, be aware, ya know?
Take, for instance, what happened with Maddie: "One year, I decided to fly out and spend Christmas with my boyfriend of only three months. I was crazy anxious and thought that this would be a little too much, but it was the best decision I ever made,” she says. Three years later, Maddie and that same college boyfriend have "been happily married for just a few months." Daww.
You Might Also Like