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The Texas Rangers' new food menu is obscene, frightening and maybe mouth-watering

We all know the saying “Everything is bigger in Texas,” well that also applies to the frankenfood that comes out of sports stadiums. The Texas Rangers are among baseball’s most diabolical menu-makers — they’re the ones, after all, who gave us a $26, two-foot hot dog back in 2012. And the two-foot taco. And bacon on a stick.

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And that seems so tame compared to what the Rangers and their food partner Delaware North are doing these days. The Rangers announced their new food items for 2018 on Tuesday and they’re basically obscene. Like, what you’re about to see is NSFW food. They’re frightening … but depending on your palette, they might also be mouth-watering. Some people think the crazier the stadium food the better. So let’s have a look:

• These are Ham Fries — yes, ham sliced up, battered and fried — and Pickle Fries. Perfect for when potatoes are just too boring.

(Delaware North)
(Delaware North)

• Behold this beast: The Triple B sandwich — it’s bacon, brisket and bologna if your arteries are keeping score at home. How do you even eat it?

(Delaware North)

• How crazy do you like your hot dogs? The Rangers are adding the Dilly Dog, which is a cored out dill pickle, stuffed with a hot dog, then battered and fried. They’re also adding the Cheetos Jalapeno Bacon Dog, which is a bacon-wrapped hot dog, covered in Cheetos cheese sauce, then actual Cheetos and jalapenos.

(Delaware North)
(Delaware North)

• This Lays Home Plate Chicken Sandwich is HUGE and crusted with potato chips, and yet is somehow the second-most healthy thing on this list.

(Delaware North)

• After all that you might be wondering and, yes, they have a vegan option. Here are vegan nachos.

(Delaware North)

• For dessert, the Rangers have the 7th Inning Cinnamon Roll, which is a cinnamon bun battered and deep fried on a stick, topped with raspberry and chocolate sauces.

(Delaware North)

May God have mercy on your tummy, Rangers fans.

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Mike Oz is a writer at Yahoo Sports. Contact him at mikeozstew@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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