Breakups are hard. (Photo: Via WSJ Live)
This week marks the premiere of Tay Text, a new iOS keyboard app that lets you communicate solely in Taylor Swift lyrics.
The app, which was created by five self-described Harvard Business School Swifties, works like most other third-party keyboards: You download it, tab through your keyboard globe symbol until it appears, and choose a line from its 300-lyric database to send to your friends / lovers / ex-lovers. The phrasing is helpfully divided into such relationship phases as “Into You,” “Over You,” “It’s Over,” “Missing You,” “Haters,” and “Trouble.”
Below, the semifictional tale of how the Swiftie quintet’s app came to be, as told by the breakup queen herself (with a major assist from the Tay Text keyboard):
Part I: The brainstorming
I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night
How can I ever try to be better?
Don’t you dream impossible things?
You’re really gonna be someone, ask anyone
I realize some bigger dreams of mine
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Hey, isn’t this easy?
Part II: Getting funding
I go on too many dates, but I can’t make them stay
I get so confused and frustrated, I forget what I’m trying to say
I could show you incredible things
It’s been waiting for you
Why can’t you see you belong with me?
We fall in love ’til it hurts or bleeds or fades with time
We’re a crooked love in a straight line down
Part III: The pivot
Something happens when everybody finds out
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed
All I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, making up for lost time
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we in the clear?
Part IV: Inevitably being sued by Taylor Swift, who has trademarked her lyrics and been known to go after Swiftie Etsy dealers who put her lyrics on their merchandise.
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
Did I say something way too honest?
As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn
Here’s to everything coming down to nothing
I’m just sitting here, planning my revenge
My daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you’ll be
That concludes our poetic rendition of this hopeless business venture. Get the doomed thing while you can here.
Update: It appears the app has already been pulled from the iTunes store. We’ve reached out for comment from the Tay Tex founders, but something tells us T. Swift’s band of lawyers are all over this. Swift lyrics really *do* come true.