Three years ago, I was browsing Twitter after a game, a player said something hilarious, and it made me realize something: The NBA is so entertaining that I should start compiling my favorite 100 quotes for the first half (up to All-Star Weekend) and second half (everything until the conclusion of the NBA playoffs) of the season. Three years later, we’re still here.
Do you still remember when Jimmy Butler walked into a Timberwolves practice and took a bunch of third stringers and beat Andrew Wiggins and Karl-Anthony Towns, and then did a sit-down interview several hours later on ESPN to talk about his very public trade request? Or where exactly are we with the Anthony Davis situation in New Orleans?
There’s a new storyline every week, so before teams resume their season, let’s take a moment to celebrate the best quotes so far and remember the good times, like Mike Malone letting his All-Star team watch J. Cole at halftime but only if they played transition defense, or why JaVale McGee compares himself to Bo Jackson, Terrence Ross explaining Captain America, Robin Lopez on why he would let a bat bite him, and much more.
Without further ado, here are the 100 best quotes from the first half of the 2018-19 NBA season, in no particular order.
1. “I’ll let you go watch the J. Cole concert if you all get your ass back on transition.” – Mike Malone to Team LeBron at All-Star weekend.
2. “I don’t really have a favorite player to guard. I guess somebody on the bench who doesn’t play. It’s easier to guard them.“ – Kawhi Leonard.
3. “People love saying the name. I’m like Elvis. Swaggy Presley.” – Nick Young.
4. “They call Canadians soft and then they call me evil … pick one.” – Jamal Murray.
5. “Wus good twittos ?!” – Serge Ibaka on Twitter.
6. “In 2010, I was mad at @KingJames for leaving Cleveland … but I’ve been in Miami for a total of 5 min and now I totally understand.” – Kirk Cousins.
7. “It’s not like the president shutting down the government. It’s basketball.” – Kevin Durant on Anthony Davis’s trade request.
8. “Maybe I should Bird Box.” – Kyle Kuzma on avoiding trade rumors.
9. “We’re not there yet, but pretty soon little black kids in the hood will be wearing his jersey.” – Charles Barkley on Luka Doncic.
10. “Running.” – Nikola Jokic on the hardest part of the All-Star skills challenge.
11. “I used to enjoy a 40 once in awhile, back in the day. In a brown paper bag. Remember those?” – Jack Armstrong to Matt Devlin on a Raptors broadcast.
12. “Complaining to the refs. I’ll always be good at that, no matter how far the arthritis has gone in every joint.” – Dirk Nowitzki.
13. “I’m one of the best shooters to ever play.” – Klay Thompson on why he’s not worried about a shooting slump.
14. “I knew there would be cameras, and when there’s cameras, it’s going to social media, and when there’s social media, there’s ladies looking, and when there’s ladies looking, I’ve got to be looking nice.” – Dennis Smith Jr. on getting his tooth back in place after being knocked out.
15. “It just gets old watching the same team win the whole thing … Sorry, that was really arrogant, wasn’t it? It was kind of fun to say that.” – Steve Kerr on the New England Patriots’ Super Bowl victory.
16. “If you’ve learned anything from the modern superhero myth, if you see a bat around and it bites you, you have a 75 percent chance of ending up a superhero. Otherwise you’ll probably get really sick. But it’d be cool to be a superhero. You don’t need to be afraid. I’d say give it a shot.” – Brook Lopez on whether he would allow a bat to bite him.
17. “Let’s be real … I’ve got a receding hairline, I’m slow and I’m probably not the most jacked up with abs and all that, but I’m still going to beat you one-on-one. Settle down.” – Joe Ingles on trash talk from fans.
18. “Mike’s the only dude who dressed better in ‘98 than now.” – Bomani Jones on Michael Jordan.
19. “Technically, it is Thon’s parents who are Thon makers.” – Fred Katz.
20. “Six championships.” – Michael Jordan on what’s harder: James Harden scoring 30 points in 30 straight games or Russell Westbrook’s streak of 10 straight triple-doubles.
21. “I have coached against Magic, Bird, Cheeks, Isaiah Thomas. Nick Calathes is the best passer I have seen in my lifetime.” – Rick Pitino.
22. “He’s just too self-righteous, too noble. I understand you’re the perfect human and have the best morals, but you almost get the sense he thinks he’s better than everybody. There’s no depth, no dark side.” – Terrence Ross on why he doesn’t like Captain America.
23. “Man, you don’t know if he’s getting ready to make love or preparing to shoot a basketball. It’s hard to work out when your mom’s music is on.” – A member of the Warriors organization on DeMarcus Cousins’ preference for slow jams while working out.
24. “He doesn’t have a beard tonight? I should have shaved mine. That makes me nervous. Means he’s up to something.” – J.B. Bickerstaff when notified Gregg Popovich shaved his beard for their game.
25. “We ain’t no [expletive].” – Mike Scott on the Clippers’ team mentality.
26. “Look, if you told me you’d give me $80 billion bucks for the Clippers today, I would say, “No.” – Steve Ballmer.
27. “Isn’t that tampering?” – Giannis Antetokounmpo asked LeBron James after he took Anthony Davis in the All-Star draft.
28. “Maybe like seven years ago.” – Klay Thompson on whether the Hawks remind him of the Warriors.
29. “There’s no basketball anymore. There’s no beauty in it. It’s pretty boring.” – Gregg Popovich on teams shooting more threes.
30. “Bo Jackson do everything. I feel like lowkey I’m a Bo Jackson.” – JaVale McGee on wearing a Bo Jackson jersey after the game.
31. “I’ll get over it. I’ll go home and have some oatmeal. I’ll be fine.” – Mike D’Antoni on James Harden scoring 57 points, overshadowing his 600th career win.
32. “These guys a lot of times they aren’t running around a lot. They would rather be playing Fortnite.” – David Fizdale on whether he was worried about his team spending too much time out in London.
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33. “Oh no you didn’t.” – Oklahoma City mayor David Holt after the Minnesota Timberwolves team account posted a photo of Andrew Wiggins with the caption, “The Mayor of OKC.”
34. “This isn’t the halfway mark. It’s a third for us.” – Klay Thompson on the halfway mark of the regular season.
35. “Don’t jump.” – De’Aaron Fox to Nikola Vucevic after he dunked on him.
36. “This might sound funny, but I literally don’t know the days of the week.” – Robert Williams on the biggest difference between college and the NBA.
37. “I need some new drip. I gotta hang with Thomas. He get an extension I don’t know about?” – Scott Brooks on Thomas Bryant saying he wanted to get new drip in London.
38. “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.” – Rajon Rondo after a Christmas Day game.
39. “When you see someone like a Nelson Mandela or a Martin Luther King or a Mahatma Gandhi, someone who sees the future before anyone else does, knows how to get to where they need to be, where they want to be, that is Nikola Jokic. Happiness begins when selfishness ends. In a game that has been taken over by incessant dribbling for yourself, Nikola Jokic is such a breath of fresh air. And it’s his imagination. Watching him play basketball is like watching Bob Dylan come up with a song.” – Bill Walton on Nikola Jokic.
40. “A lot of those meetings start off like Festivus, then they end with like hugs, right? So it’s just like any other family meeting. That’s where we were. We never got to the Feats of Strength.” – Brad Stevens on his team’s closed door meeting.
41. “His heart is there. His soul’s awesome.” – Jim Boylen on back-up forward Chandler Hutchison.
42. “I felt badly about it. Kawhi is a high-character guy. We all make decisions in our lives, what we are going to do with our futures, and he has that same right as any of us.” – Gregg Popovich on Kawhi Leonard being booed in his return to San Antonio.
43. “It was going to be here or the Garden, that’s it.” – LeBron James on his final game against Dwyane Wade.
44. “We’ve got some shitty fans and we’ve got some good fans. That’s just how it works.” – Andrew Wiggins on being booed at home.
45. “If I had two 3s in a row I feel like Steph [Curry]. I had a couple 3s, boy I tell you I feel like I was 6-foot-3 and light skin. I wasn’t about to stop shooting after that.” – Spencer Dinwiddie.
46. “We’ve lived a charmed existence. This is the real NBA.” – Steve Kerr after the Kevin Durant-Draymond Green in-game shouting match became a national story.
47. “Yeah he told me to shut the [expletive] up.” – Rajon Rondo on what Luke Walton told him about quieting down while joining the coaches huddle.
48. “We’ll be champions again before you know it. And we’ll be laughing in the faces of all those Warriors fans who came out of nowhere.” – Kobe Bryant.
49. “He’s picking up the phone every time we call him.” – Dwyane Wade on Josh Richardson stepping up.
50. “Trash the whole shit. Good tool maybe. Me, I’m just not too fond of it.” – Wilson Chandler on analytics.
51. “I apologized for being that young player that wanted everything at his fingertips.” – Kyrie Irving on calling LeBron James in the middle of the season.
52. “Kyrie changed the course of history in Cleveland, because he was done with LeBron. Then Irving calls, two seasons later, to apologize? For Cleveland, this is like the worst Last Two Minute report ever.” – Joe Vardon.
53. “Stat padding.” – Russell Westbrook on his defensive rebounding mindset.
54. “[Expletive] no.” – Russell Westbrook on whether he and Joel Embiid are cool.
55. “I been busting that ass for years.” – Russell Westbrook to Damian Lillard during a game.
56. “I didn’t even see it. He can rock it right back to Portland.” – Russell Westbrook on Evan Turner using his “rock the baby” celebration.
57. “I woke up in a groove.” – Russell Westbrook on whether he’s getting into a passing groove.
58. “I’ve been blessed with the talent to not give a [expletive].” – Russell Westbrook.
59. “It was an honor to be part of the third-stringers and get a win against real NBA starters.” – Joel Embiid after the Sixers beat the Minnesota Timberwolves.
60. “Distant, committed to work, and refusing to react to my desperate cries for attention. Is that you, dad?” – Luke Kornet, captioning a photo of a Buckingham Palace guard while the Knicks were in London.
61. “Probably the fakest love I ever received. I honestly don’t see how guys like Steph and K do it on the daily where it’s just cameras around them all day. I don’t like it at all. So hopefully this is the last day of this.” – DeMarcus Cousins after returning from a long layoff from injury.
62. “Hella famous in China.” – an ESPN caption describing Tracy McGrady.
63. “Career-high, baby! Four dunks.” – Klay Thompson as he walked off the floor after a “career” night.
64. “I was out for three days, man. It’s not like we [expletive] went to the moon and back.” – Tomas Satoransky on how it feels to be back from London.
65. “Benny’s a legend.” – Dwyane Wade on why he swapped jerseys with the Bulls mascot after a game.
66. “Although it’s stressful, do NOT feel sorry for us. We have the best seat in the house and are fortunate enough to officiate the best athletes in the world! We do the best we possibly can each night. Also, our emotions were removed at birth.” – The official NBA referees Twitter account.
67. “I like his spirit. There’s something about it.” – Nancy Pelosi on Draymond Green.
68. “Classic Pelosi, by the way, to wait until there’s no Wall to come to a Wizards game.” – Fred Katz.
69. “What are we going to do, lose more games?” – David Fizdale when asked whether Enes Kanter would be a distraction.
70. “He’s so full of shit. That’s why we got rid of him.” – Gregg Popovich after being told Brett Brown called him the greatest coach that ever lived.
71. “Elvis. And that was it.” – Marc Gasol on what he knew about Memphis when he first arrived.
72. “There’s nothing wrong with cottage cheese.” – OG Anunoby.
73. “You gotta earn your minutes, son.” – Dirk Nowitzki, head coach of Team World, to Luka Doncic.
74. “Mind your own business Cuban.” – Wilson Chandler to Mark Cuban after he posted a clip of a non-foul call of him.
75. “I don’t know how this media empire works. It’s all a bunch of nonsense to me.” – Kyrie Irving.
76. “Boston… I would never want my son to play for Boston after what they done to Isaiah Thomas… NO LOYALTY… guy gives his heart and soul and they traded him… anyone can print that.” – Anthony Davis Sr. on why he doesn’t want his son to be traded to the Celtics.
77. “Carmelo Anthony was on the Bulls roster from Jan. 22 to Feb. 1. He was fifth on the team in net rating at 0.0.” – Mark Strotman.
78. “I don’t know who traded for Porzingis. They got nothing to do with me.” – Kevin Durant after no one asked him who traded for Kristaps Porzingis.
79. “The city deserves better than that… My suggestion for knicks fans is to STAY WOKE!! Peace.” – Kristaps Porzingis on Instagram after he was traded to Dallas.
80. “Kevin Durant has the perfect last name because he ‘do rant.’” – Skip Bayless.
81. “We want to be in L.A. But if he’s traded, I don’t want Lonzo in New Orleans. Phoenix is the best fit for him. And I am going to speak it into existence.” – LaVar Ball.
82. “We don’t talk to James about what he does. Because nobody knows. I mean I could coach him to mediocrity, but that doesn’t seem like the right idea.” – Mike D’Antoni on James Harden.
83. “Zion Williamson’s NBA comparison is a bear on roller skates with nunchucks.” – Martin Rickman.
84. “[Expletive] you.” – Joel Embiid’s text to teammate J.J. Redick at 3 a.m. after he got him sick.
85. “I think that it’s more like an engagement. And we’re going to get married on July 1.” – Danny Ainge on Kyrie Irving’s impending free agency.
86. “Everybody in the East thinks they can get to the Finals because they ain’t gotta go through me.” – LeBron James.
87. “I feel bad for Niko. He has to play with Brookie. You know what’s even worse? He already got the superior experience of playing with me. And now he has to go and play with Brook. It’s like living in Fresno and having to move to Clovis.” – Robin Lopez on Nikola Mirotic becoming teammates with his brother, Brook.
88. “I don’t owe anyone shit.” – Kyrie Irving on free agency.
89. “That’s like the 10th time Magic has called me today.” – Ben Simmons, joking about tampering in the locker room.
90. “This thing has been a dumpster fire.” – Alvin Gentry on his own team and the Anthony Davis situation.
91. “Because he was a Raptor and because he’s a nice guy.” – OG Anunoby on why Jose Calderon is his favorite Spanish NBA player.
92. “My favorite MJ story is probably just Space Jam. I love that movie. That movie is timeless.” – Klay Thompson.
93. “What else is he supposed to do?” – Kevin Durant on LeBron James picking him first two years in a row at the All-Star draft.
94. “I wanted to be a Sixer for life and then a Timberwolf for life and then a Rocket for life and then a Maverick for life and then a Knick for life and then Cleveland for life and then L.A. for life.” – Scott Brooks on Bobby Portis saying he wanted to be a Bull for life.
95. “I was telling coach everything there was to know about Washington. Everything. … I was snitching.” – Otto Porter on preparing for his former team, the Washington Wizards, with Bulls coaches.
96. “I’m going to hug ’em and tell them that we got to come together.” – Magic Johnson to the Lakers’ young core after the trade deadline.
97. “It’s [expletive] up. It could’ve been something great. But other people had different things in mind.” – DeMarcus Cousins on his tenure with Anthony Davis in New Orleans.
98. “I think most of my teams would just call it a Monday.” – Kobe Bryant on Jimmy Butler cursing out teammates in practice.
99. “I don’t think so. It wasn’t personal. No one slighted their families.” – Mike Malone on whether the Nets will want revenge for losing to the Nuggets earlier in the season.
100. “That’s kind of sad.” – Dirk Nowitzki when told he has been teammates with both Tim Hardaway and Tim Hardaway Jr.
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