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We Tried Being Beyoncé's Assistant & Didn't Make It Through The Day

Michelle Santiago Cortés

Someone give Green Chyna of Twitter a contract because she just invented a choose-your-own adventure game that has the Beyhive swarming to give it their best shot. The game, which takes place via a thread on Twitter, allows users to walk in Beyoncé’s personal assistant’s shoes. The task: To make sure Queen B makes it to a red carpet event on time.

Listen, you might think you have what it takes to ensure Sasha Fierce is ready for the red carpet. The obvious choice between a yogurt and granola breakfast or a five-star breakfast seems easy (you’ll have to play to figure out which is the correct answer). But dilemmas come at you like a road that never stops forking. On our first try, we didn’t make it past the fifth round.

Questions like: “Beyoncé is running late, should she go to the hotel and get ready or do it in the car?” will lull you into a false sense of security. Next thing you know, the paparazzi are swarming your Mercedes Sprinter, there’s nowhere to go, and you realise you sealed your fate two questions ago. This game is a work of art. Even celebrities, who have actual experience with paparazzi and red carpet shenanigans, struggled to make it past the first few rounds:

Even Ms. Carter’s longtime assistant, Sam Greenberg, is not immune to the occasional bad day at work (fun fact: she appears in the Lemonade credits as executive assistant along with Kaleb Steele). On the 2015 Tidal X: 10/20 Event red carpet, Greenberg was famously shooed off the red carpet.

If you make all the right choices, the game goes beyond the red carpet and all the way to a somewhat famous elevator encounter where you have to choose: do you stay in the car or follow your boss and Solange into the hotel?

We went back and started again, and again to figure out where every path leads and all we have to say is: This game is dramatic and it feels very real.

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