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Weirdest Tech of CES 2015

Dan Tynan
Yahoo Tech

The 2015 Consumer Electronics Show is winding down, and not a moment too soon. The big news: There were enough 4K TVs, fitness trackers, and “smart” things to fill several warehouses.

But we wanted to honor some special products and companies that didn’t get much attention at this year’s show. Here are our picks for the wildest and weirdest stuff from CES 2015:

Quit your job now while you still have a sliver of self-respect. As is always the case at CES, the honor for most awkward personality is hotly contested. After much examination of truly awful booth cosplay, we awarded it to this unfortunate sap, who had to be led around by the hand because he was unable to see. The good news: He never had to look at himself in the mirror. 

(Jason O. Gilbert/Yahoo Tech)

The Most Disturbing Piece of Personal Technology Named After an ABBA Song award goes to the “Dancing Queen” derriere massager from JT Life Co. of Taiwan. Just sit and jiggle to relax your gluteus maximus. It will wholesale for around $50; buttocks not included. 

If you build a better mousetrap… Meet the Raticator, a mesh-networked rodent trap that uses infrared beams to detect when rodents enter, zaps the unfortunate vermin with 10,000 volts of electricity (for two full minutes), and then sends a text saying where to find your crispy critter. It’s more humane than snapping their necks, poison, or a slowly starving them to death on a glue pad, says the Raticator’s inventor. We are not convinced the rats would agree.

(Dan Tynan/Yahoo Tech)

We meant to get on a plane to Des Moines but somehow ended up here. Fittingly, this honor goes to the Federal Aviation Administration, who set up a sparse booth in the corner of the Sands Convention Center. The reason? The nice people at the FAA would like you to stop carrying spare lithium batteries in your carry-on, since they can have a nasty habit of exploding.

Correction: It turns out the FAA is fine with you carrying on spare lithium batteries; they just don't want you packing them in your checked baggage. More info is available on the agency's Pack Safe site.

(Dan Tynan/Yahoo Tech)

Best/worst blind date ever. This captivating woman stood outside the Intel booth wearing a snug 3D-printed corset augmented with bio-sensors and motorized tentacles. Sensors measure her respiration and heartbeat and determine whether the spider arms extend in a hostile or beckoning manner, depending on how she feels about you. We didn’t see much beckoning. 

(Dan Tynan/Yahoo Tech)

Just in case you can’t find them in the dark. Here’s something every woman needs: an LED-encrusted brassiere. It was designed and built by Chromat (its motto: “Structural experiments for the human body”), which was also showing a 3D-printed bra. Why? The ability to create a custom fit for the left and right sides. Turns out that, like fingerprints, no two breasts are exactly alike. Feel free to conduct your own research.

(Rob Pegoraro/Yahoo Tech)

Most disappointing MP3 player ever. The Echobox is an Android-based music player shaped like a flask. Sadly, you can’t fill it with Cuervo — the cap is used to adjust volume, while the inside is filled with electronics. But you can tell it to play “Tequila” in high-quality lossless audio. 

(Jason O. Gilbert/Yahoo Tech)

Please, for the love of god, don’t tell us how it works. This thermos-sized object from China’s GH Development Holdings LTD was described as a “smart sex toy for guys.” We were really sorry we asked. 

(Dan Tynan/Yahoo Tech)

This is your brain on CES. These miniature brains are just samples of the different kinds of materials you can use with a Sculpteo 3D printer. But after nearly a week in Vegas, it’s a pretty accurate representation of how our own brains feel. 

(Dan Tynan/Yahoo Tech)

Send brain cells and blood transfusions to Dan Tynan here: ModFamily1@yahoo.com.