U.S. markets open in 17 minutes

The World Of Finance, As Defined By Urban Dictionary

Elizabeth Balboa

According to Urban Dictionary, Main Street has appropriated many a finance term to describe drugs, bodily functions and R-rated activities.

The following are some of the interesting, savvy and sometimes spot-on ways that laypeople define and use common market lingo in the modern vernacular.

Wall Street

1. (n.) The location of the New York Stock Exchange. A monument to greed and materialism and a perversion of capitalism, where futures are carelessly traded like commodities.

2. (n.) The biggest casino in the world for people of Main Street.

3. (n.) A term used to describe the area for Day Traders in downtown New York, where people buy and sell mostly for emotional reasons.

4. (n.) The mecca of the Yuppies.

Stock Market

1. (n.) The fastest way to lose money.

2. (n.) The lottery for rich people. Evil Republicans think we should put all of our retirement money into it. That way, we can work until we're 90 years old, because the stock market sucks up your money and doesn't give any back.

Banker

1. (n.) A person employed by a bank, esp. as an executive or other official.

2. (n.) A morally deficient member of the bourgeoisie who will recklessly sacrifice others well being for personal gain.

3. (n.) Engineer of genocide.

4. (n.) A banker is the girl you know you can get with no matter what. She is the one you go for when all else fails, or you simply can't be bothered to make any effort for others. You may have one, or several bankers.

CNBC

1. (n.) A mysteriously popular forum for professional sharks to fob off underperforming investments onto gullible amateur investors — particularly targeting the elderly and mentally incompentent.

2. (n.) A media outlet for stale news that has circulated through Wall Street and already been entirely priced in.

3. (n.) A TV channel where demi-literate carpetbaggers, carneys, and c---gobblers are invited on to maunder and prevaricate and thereby encourage everyone to throw their money away.

4. (n.) An eye magnet for bored, horny, attention-deficit disordered Wall Streeters.

Dead Cat Bounce

1. (n.) Investor slang; a brief recovery in the price of a falling stock. Term is derived from the idea that "even a dead cat will bounce if it falls from a great height."

Dividend

1. (n.) A quarterly payment that companies make to owners of their stock. In theory, the source of the company's stock's intrinsic value.

A company's dividends are usually chosen to be as regular as possible; they can be considerably lower than the company's quarterly earnings, provided the company is growing in value. They are important, because they are the direct motivation to buy the stock.

2. (n.) A drink or cocktail. Stems from the concept of sharing the profits from a good harvest among the farmers involved, as in a glass of wine from a barrel or a shot of whiskey from a cask. Commonly used to refer to a drink poured from a larger stash (i.e. a bottle of whiskey or a batch of martinis).

Federal Reserve

1. (n.) Federal Reserve is a private bank of the NWO/Bilderberg old fat cats. The fat cat international bankers:

(1) buy top leaders around the world, then

(2) create private banks called the "Federal Reserve," "Central Bank of Xcountry...,” "Bank of xxcountry"

(3) detach paper currency from the Gold standard;

(4) use the Treasury to print, horde, or release currency, to bubble or bust countries around the world. To gain power and mo resources.

George Soros is their most famous member.

2. (n.) Financial terrorists.

IPO

1. (n.) First public stock release for a company.

2. (n.) Gaseous emission immediately before a bowel movement. (can signal an emergent situation).

Poison Pill

1. (n.) Something added to a situation, company, deal, object, etc., to make it undesirable to takers, buyers, thieves, investors, or conquerors.

2. (n.) The actions done by a party to screw another party after a major change has been completed or in the mix.

Power Lunch

(n.) A gathering of co-workers or of mostly young male corporate douches (see yuppies) for a 3 hour lunch on the clock that includes such things as a motorcade of Lexus and BMW automobiles, motivational speakers, cheers, steak, and talk about something like the “bottom line” or bonuses or something. Supposedly a motivational event, but usually turns out to be a feast of gluttony and ruined neckties. Newly motivated and encouraged participants are expected to go back to the office and make phone calls and fire off emails and achieve results, but most usually end up at a local boozer and get tanked before happy hour even starts.

Stock Exchange

We’ll, uh, let you check this one for yourself.

See more from Benzinga

© 2020 Benzinga.com. Benzinga does not provide investment advice. All rights reserved.