With the Final Four field set, it’s time to choose sides.
Many of you already have, of course, if your favorite (or least-favorite) team has advanced to Arizona. Or if you still have a chance of winning your bracket pool. Your rooting interests are set.
For everyone else, decisions must be made. To assist you with that, here is the annual Final Four Likability Index, a 20-point index complete with running score totals:
If it’s your school’s first Final Four ever, add 10 points for novelty.
If it’s your school’s first Final Four since the first Final Four, add 5 points for novelty.
If it’s your first Final Four since last year and 20th in program history, deduct five points for same-old, same-old.
Score: Gonzaga 10, South Carolina 10, Oregon 5, North Carolina minus-5.
If your coach jumped from the ladder after cutting the regional nets into the arms of his burly, bearded Polish center, add 10 points for cuteness.
If your coach tearfully hugged his Cuban immigrant mother on the court during the regional title celebration, add five points for heartwarming.
If your 66-year-old coach had one of his seniors place his regional championship hat on his head backward, add three points for hilarity.
If your regional title celebration featured a billionaire booster snipping his own piece of net, deduct 10 points for crassness.
Score: Gonzaga 20, South Carolina 15, Oregon 0, North Carolina minus-2.
If your school has (thus far) avoided any sanctions related to an academic scandal that persisted for nearly two decades, deduct 15 points.
If within the last few years your school’s coach was fortunate to keep his job after a flurry of off-court issues involving his players – some of them very serious – deduct 15 points.
If your school suspended its best player for six games this season for reasons that remain quite murky, deduct five points.
If your school hasn’t produced much in the way of scandal in years, add 10 points.
Score: Gonzaga 30, South Carolina 10, Oregon minus-15, North Carolina minus-17.
If your school has an average offensive possession length that ranks in the top 40 nationally, add five points for decisiveness and entertaining tempo.
If your school has an average possession length that ranks outside the top 90 nationally, deduct five points for dawdling.
Score: Gonzaga 35, South Carolina 5, North Carolina minus-12, Oregon minus-20.
If your school has a star player who committed the most egregious flop in basketball history, deduct five points.
Score: Gonzaga 35, South Carolina 5, North Carolina minus-12, Oregon minus-25.
If your school eliminated Duke, add five points.
Score: Gonzaga 35, South Carolina 10, North Carolina minus-12, Oregon minus-25.
If your school scored 16 points in the first half of a home game against Alabama, still does not have a top-100 offensive efficiency rating and could revert to that mean when playing in a football stadium for the first time, deduct five points for potential unwatchability.
Score: Gonzaga 35, South Carolina 5, North Carolina minus-12, Oregon minus-25.
If your school’s coach can be reduced to a humorous caricature such as Angry Frank Martin or Dadgum Roy Williams, add three points.
If your school’s coach would rather be fly fishing, add three points.
If your school’s coach is impenetrably dull, deduct three points.
Score: Gonzaga 38, South Carolina 8, North Carolina minus-9, Oregon minus-28.
If your school’s uniforms are iconic, add five points.
If your school changes its uniforms weekly, deduct five points.
If your school arbitrarily changed its color scheme within the last 20 years, deduct four points.
If your school’s uniforms are completely unremarkable, deduct three points.
Score: Gonzaga 34, South Carolina 5, North Carolina minus-4, Oregon minus-33.
If your school has a basketball-first identity and sold out every home game this season, add five points.
If your school’s fan base averaged 80-85 percent capacity at home games, add two points.
If your school’s fan base averaged less than 75 percent capacity and is as likely to be thinking about spring football as basketball this week, deduct two points.
Score: Gonzaga 39, South Carolina 3, North Carolina minus-2, Oregon minus-31.
If one of your school’s all-time greats has been reduced to a crying meme, deduct three points.
Score: Gonzaga 36, South Carolina 3, North Carolina minus-5, Oregon minus-31.
If your school’s coach once worked as a bouncer, add 10 points.
Score: Gonzaga 36, South Carolina 13, North Carolina minus-5, Oregon minus-31.
If your school is in the Final Four thanks to a shot by a player who originally was recruited to walk on, add five points.
Score: Gonzaga 36, South Carolina 8, North Carolina 0, Oregon minus-31.
If your school overcame a season-ending knee injury to a key player during the conference tournament to still make the Final Four, add five points.
Score: Gonzaga 36, South Carolina 8, North Carolina 0, Oregon minus-26.
If your school is involved in a trivial dispute over who is the “real Carolina,” deduct three points.
Score: Gonzaga 36, South Carolina 8, North Carolina minus-3, Oregon minus-26.
If your school produced the greatest player of all time, the NBA career leader in assists, or Alex English, add five points.
Score: Gonzaga 41, South Carolina 13, North Carolina 2, Oregon minus-26.
If your school’s best players collectively have gone on to do almost nothing of note in the NBA, deduct three points.
Score: Gonzaga 41, South Carolina 10, North Carolina 2, Oregon minus-29.
If your school has Darius Rucker along for the ride as a legit fan and not just a celebrity bandwagon jumper, add two points.
Score: Gonzaga 41, South Carolina 12, North Carolina 2, Oregon minus-29.
If your school is doing it without football revenue, add 10 points.
Score: Gonzaga 51, South Carolina 22, North Carolina 2, Oregon minus-29.
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