25 Weird And Creepy Messages I've Actually Received That Show The Harsh Realities Of Being A Woman On Dating Apps

·3 min read

When I moved to NYC, I decided it was time to hop back on the ol' dating apps and see what the city has to offer. Spoiler alert: It's not going well.

TBS / Via media.giphy.com

Since you may be wondering...here are the photos I use across my Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble profiles!

woman wearing feathers and posing
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And, here's the bio I currently have on Tinder. My Hinge and Bumble bios are some variation of the exact same thing. I didn't really customize from app-to-app (except I mention how badly I want a french bulldog on the other profiles).

tinder bio screenshotted
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Here are just a few of the most *charming* openers I've received thus far:

Side note: If I answered the message, I have my response included. Unfortunately, for most of these, I didn't have the energy to respond.

1.This guy who wasted no time:

text screenshot where a man messaged good morning, then said "tbh your boobs are bigger than my dream"

Dream bigger, dude.

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2.This embarrassing question:

text screenshot reading "if you had a choice of sexcation to Tulum or St. Lucia, which one would you pick?"

It's just so...specific.

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3.This guy, whose bio said to "expect a corny pickup line," NOT a horny pickup line:

a guy saying "do you live on a farm? Because you really know how to raise a cock"

Should've seen that one coming, TBH.

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4.This overwhelming opener:

text screenshot reading "Hello sunshine are you my princess"

Refreshingly nice, but still a bit much.

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5.This question that made me ask, "Whatever happened to hello???":

message reading "choking or hair pulling type or both" with a winky face

Sighhhhhh.

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6.This innocent question that took a turn:

text screenshot where a man tells a woman she is his comfort food, then says "How are you wild girl?"

I picked the question and answered it first, then saw his answer/opener later. I was just hoping we could bond over carbonara or chocolate chip cookies or something.

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7.This question I was never gonna answer:

text screenshot of a message reading "If i can give you one thing from my body, what would you pick?"

Maybe your wallet? Or your watch? Dude, come on.

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8.This tongue guy:

text screenshot where a man says "don't know what I'm more impressed by, the pilot's license or that tongue"

...My tongue isn't out in any of my photos?

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9.This opener that was not a leg opener:

message reading "i would like to have sex with you"

I guess I appreciate the honesty.

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10.This message that literally came in at 10:00 a.m. on a Monday:

message reading "need to be honest you are so fuckable"

Hey bud, did you send me this message while at work?

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11.This one wish:

message reading "I hope you have a pretty butt"

I hope so too.

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12.This interesting way to flirt that almost worked. TBH:

text screenshot reading "hey dork what's poppin"

I thought it was funny until my friend pointed out that it's actually kind of a weird way to try and get a woman to like you.

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13.These compelling words from a 31-year-old man on a Tuesday night:

a message that is just eggplant emojis

When words fail...

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14.This direct approach that did not work:

message reading "I wanna fuck you"

IDK, it's just so aggressive.

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15.This rather confusing request:

message that says "squat me"

Hmm.

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16.This warm invitation:

screenshot of a message that says "get over here hannah"

I'm good.

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17.This guy whose dream I made come true:

harassing messages from a rude man
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harassing messages from a rude man
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harassing messages from a rude man

I probably shouldn't have "provoked" the troll since it seems like he got off on it a bit...ew. I then realized that his seemingly kind and "woke" bio was purely bait. Ugh.

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18.This disappointing use of rhyme:

message that says, "bonjour hannah, will this frenchie be able to meet you and eat you before he leaves?"

Poetry.

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19.This confusing question:

long message that ends with "which do you prefer? high heels or barefoot"

It started out promising. But then...what? Has ANYONE ever preferred high heels?

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20.This wild opener that was sent by a 30-year-old man at noon on a Monday:

long creepy message from a man

He really invited himself over to get high at noon on a Monday.

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21.This jaw-dropper

message reading "you have a pretty mouth, want to come over for a drink?"

"Pretty smile" would've maybe made me feel better, but "pretty mouth" was a little...odd?

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22.This pressing question:

messaging asking if you take off your socks for sex

Is this how we get to know people now?

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23.This scaredy cat who never elaborated:

message from a man saying "you're hot but you look like trouble"

Why do I look like trouble? πŸ˜…

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24.This wild, Monday night request:

message saying "Let's get drunk"

Bro, it's 6:00 p.m. I gotta go cook dinner.

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25.Finally, this zinger from a man in his 30s...sigh:

man laughing at a dating profile, then asking "you up?"

It hurts.

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Anywayyy, my profiles are still up, but I'm mostly on a break from swiping. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Some people are really nice and cool on the apps too! Unfortunately, the experience as a whole can just be a bit draining. And, I know plenty of people are receiving even weirder and worse messages than I am! Stay safe out there folks, and if you want to share any of your dating app frustrations, let's chat in the comments!

NBC / Via media.giphy.com